So things aren’t going too swimmingly at the moment, I have been struggling a while. That’s about as open as I can get to admitting anything is wrong…but you know when you need a mum hug? That.
In the two years since she has been gone there are so many questions I wish I’d asked my mum; silly things, serious things, but all things I should have asked. I could have asked her…but I was a coward.
I wish I had asked my mum what her favourite song was, if she ever went to Ireland (where her father was from), the addresses of various relatives, who people are in particular photos (I have hundreds of them) and even what age she was went she started the menopause! Questions only your mum can answer.
I knew when the bus hit me, also known as ‘when she told me that she had lung cancer ‘ that she wouldn’t survive it. She didn’t know and just weeks before she died she still believed she would be back at work. I didn’t want to shatter that illusion, I can’t imagine how she felt she must have been terrified… so I can understand why she didn’t want to know in detail what was happening.
However, it meant that I brushed over things, there were things I wanted to ask but I felt if I did she would know…what was coming up. I could kick myself now.
We were so lucky too…those questions could have been asked, we had time, a few months at least to ask them, unlike in situations of sudden death.
If you are ever in the same situation, I pray you are not, then make sure you do ask all those questions because once they are gone, they’re gone…and naively I had imagined that I would still be able to ‘talk’ to my mum (you know us both being spiritual and all that). Whatever anyone says, death is final and you won’t get another chance.
Sometimes it takes my breath away when I realise I will never get the answers to my questions or talk to my mum again.
I so understand what you’re going through…..
I lost my Mom 6 years ago and I’m still struggling
Sending you a big hug :).
it is so hard isn’t it. Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to comment. XX
So sorry you are having a horrid time. It is tough, yesterday the day you wrote this post was my Mum’s birthday she would of been 69 had she not died over 24 years earlier.
When walking the dogs I saw a Kingfisher fly by, the first time I had seen one since we moved 18 months ago. Actually it was flying up a very fast running stream not there usual preference. My Mum and I always loved seeing a Kingfisher it was a rare and prized treat whilst walking along the canal. It was a lovely comfort to see it, I know you can’t get the answers you need I still have many waiting too but I am sure your Mum is looking out for you.
It so hard when you get into a black rut, so hard to see anything going right but sometimes writing things like this is a step in the right direction.
Sending you a big hug and wishing things improve for you xxx
Oh my goodness your mum was so so young!!! 🙁 How lovely that you saw the kingfisher, I am sure it was a comfort. Little things happen that make me think my mum is around…but not in the way I imagined…I think that’s what is so hard, the finality of it all. Thank you and thinking of you too. XX
I think it something everyone is guilty of doing, you think you have forever. I will remember I don’t and try to ask those questions now!
You do don’t you!! I never expected my mum to die at 61! 🙁 XX
My Dad had his laptop with him at the hospice, he didn’t think he was going anywhere, and neither did I. Though I think it would be almost impossible to ask all the questions – there’s still new issues every day when something crops up and I wish I could ask his advice. Sending love xx
🙁 Exactly, so many times I think I am just going to ask my mum and then I remember. XXX
Oh hon, I know. I lost my mom in 1999 and there is SO much I wish I had asked when I had the chance. xo
Why did we do it? 🙁 I hope you are bearing up Gigi. XXXX
Sending love and hugs!
Thank you very much x
So sorry Nova, some times are harder than others. I still miss mine after nearly 8 years, and wish I could have one last chat with her. And you’re right about the photos, I only have one decent photo of me with my mum, something I kick myself about on a regular basis. Hope you’re ok, you know where I am if you need someone to talk to xx
Thanks Jean, just hard isn’t it. 🙁 X
Ah this is so sad, I wish you had been given the chance to ask your questions xxxx
Thank you xx
*hug* I have these feelings but about my Dad, I wish I had asked him so many things, known more about who he was beyond just my father.
It’s so hard isn’t it… 🙁 XX