This is a deep post for this blog but it’s been a tough week. All manner of dirt is going around and I expect this is why I am feeling a little blue, humour me though. Normal happy posting will resume tomorrow.
The other day as I was getting Little M’s clothes for the day I kept discarding them. No, those trousers are too long, he may trip. That has buttons on he may get caught on something and get strangled, he mustn’t wear his watch in case it catches on something and pulls his wrist off…you see we were off to a play centre. I know I am doing this and I know that my fear is irrational. I never used to be like this, I have never been a neurotic or over protective mother. Now I worry constantly, what if we go to the play centre and he falls and breaks an arm, or a leg, or worse. What will I do, I can’t bear it, shall we not go? Should I wrap him up in cotton wool? I worry about the others too, text me when you get there, text me when you leave but make sure no one sees you texting [in case they get mugged for their phone] I worry as my 16 year old son gets out of the car at the station in the morning reminding him to look for cars coming up behind me, worrying about him slipping on the wet steps down to the platform. They don’t know that I worry that much, I’m quite discreet about it. All things considering I let them have some independence but it means that all types of scenarios play in my head. I could go on and on about the situations but I am sure you get the picture? I cope by trying not to think about where they are at that time otherwise my imagination can run wild.
I read the latest post from Mum in the Madhouse about her fears and I used to have those same fears. I worried if my husband was late home from work, there must have been a train crash or a motorway pile up. How would I cope, how would I get through life without him? Then one day he was gone and I had to face my worse fears. Okay so maybe he didn’t die but the pain was just as great and shocking. I did survive and I do cope but there are odd times like now, when I get stuck in this grey rut worrying about everything. What will happen to the children if something happens to me? Is my headache, leg ache, tummy ache normal? Am I ill? Will I have a car crash? I must do a will as mentioned on Blog in the North. I think it is being on my own, having no one else to share some of that load or worry that has made me like it. I am already dreading Big H starting driving lessons later this year. Gulp.
(((HUGS))) All of this sounds perfectly ‘normal’ to me. As parents our number one instinct is to preserve the lives of our kids as anything happening to them is unbearable. I think the fact you have shared this means you have everything under control, iykwim – if you stopped talking about it, you might have normalised it and be acting out your fears. I think every one of us can relate in some way to what you have said…
I hope next week is easier for you x
Thank you, I appreciate it. x
Oh sweetie – we (moms especially) do this to a degree. And being over-stressed makes it worse. Do get the will done; it’s important – other than that try not to over-think things. I know all about the driving lessons, etc. and believe me when I tell you it’s extremely worrisome to have them driving about – especially once they are out on their own. If you didn’t worry you wouldn’t be normal – just try not to let it consume you. xx
I’m a constant worrier too so I don’t have any words of advice, but sending you lots of hugs and hoping things start feeling better for you soon xx
I have always been like this with all my kids, I worry constantly! Even when the 21 year old goes home I make her text me so I know she has arrived safely! They all moan that I wrap them in cotton wool, but a pretty much great kids so I make no apologises, it certainly hasn’t hurt them, but loads of my friends think I am nuts and I in turn, think they don’t give a damn about their kids half the time. I am even scared when Little Man does too much sport incase he has a heart condition I don’t yet know about! Well you do hear of this don’t you?
I know exactly what you mean…it’s hard isn’t it to not worry. X
Nova it is normal to feel this way.. I often do .. but it could also be a sign that you are a little low ..take care of yourself. Remember try to only worry about the things you can control in life as the things that usually knock the ground from under you take you totally by surprise..like my story on http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FP41o31O&h=50ec6 not plugging my blog .. sorry just example of how things happen when you least expect them ..try to live and enjoy the children whilst they are with you xx
Thank you, I will have a look. Sorry for not doing so yet. X
I think when you have had a big loss in your life (bereavement/divorce) this sort of thing can creep up on you. I have the same worries, and I can escalate the smallest thing into a disaster in my mind within seconds.
The newness of being a single parent does make you think of your own mortality in a more stark context, (i.e. what if something happens to me?) and I don’t know if that’s normal or not but it’s something I think about too. You’ve been through a really tough time lately, the worrying is bound to happen at this sort of time.
Be kind to yourself, xxx
Thank you, you’re right. I know why I feel like it I just have to remind myself not to let it get out of control. X
Oh Nova, I am sat in tears and wish I had words of wisdom that I could utter to help make things easier, but I don’t.
I do know that I felt this way after my father died, but I managed to get a handle on my fears with the help of CBT. This is why I am happy to write about my issues now, safe in the knowledge that I can and will get a handle on this. Living with anxiety is not a nice way to live.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
I’m sorry if I made you cry. I’m okay, really. I just had to get it out. It’s all inside, I’m not stopping them doing anything and I know that I need to keep it in check and not let it consume me or take over my life. It’s just a horrible week on top of a stressful life generally at the moment. Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate it. XX