I can never actually write down the thoughts that go on in my head, over and over again, quick enough for them to sound as intelligent as they do when I’m driving the car but I feel the urge to write an unusually ‘deep’ post for this blog after reading the words of Noble Savage, someone I admire quietly from a distance. This post in particular, although there are many that seem to ring home, the situation that I find myself in at the moment. A definite devaluation of how important parents who stay at home are viewed by many. My words aren’t so eloquent or perceptive and that frustrates me…..I’m known to say to my very ‘bright’ children…”I used to be intelligent….once” ( no comments please…yes, my confidence is zilch!)
I had never questioned inequality before…..I had never experienced it or been on the receiving end. I was proud of what I did, I was doing what I had always wanted to, it was a joint decision and I was praised for doing it. I was constantly told that I was the rock …..the force behind him. Without me…we wouldn’t be where we were.
So, why in the last two years have I questioned myself untold times, beaten myself up, rued the day I ‘gave’ up my career….my choices…..my independence? Why? Because I have been made to feel inferior…I have been treated as a lower class citizen…well, I am a single mother you know….of five *gasp* five children. So apart from dealing with the pain of being ‘kicked in the teeth’, most unexpectedly, I have been forced to question my whole existence for the last sixteen years that I have been bringing up our children. My role has been devalued and soiled. A price is being put on it……I am humiliated that I have to justify my worth. We have five children that were lovingly planned by two people….five children that were to be privately educated, and five children that would be treated privately in hospital should the need arise.
Whoever says the law has changed and the role of the stay at home mother is treated as an essential and hefty contribution to marriage and awarded as such was wrong…..folks…we are still in the dark ages.
But…..I won’t give up. I won’t be beaten down……I am worth a lot…..I am me…..I am a good, honest person and I have five little people relying on me!
You write very detailed,Pay tribute to you.Couldn’t be written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
Ok N here’s the comment I tried to leave before! It wasn’t anything mind altering except to say I think unfortunately so many of us are in similar predicaments single mothers or not. It’s hard to get back into a “career” after being out of things with kids and often it is just our confidence that has taken the biggest knock. Motherhood doesn’t seem to be valued as a career option and it should be. Managing a large number of kids is as skillful as a small office. What you are giving your kids now is what they need. If you were busy at work you would be feeling guilty for it and wishing you had more time to be a mum to them. Don’t doubt yourself. Society may not value you but your kids certainly will x
That’s hard. it is a decision you made together, and even if you aren’t still together, value should be placed on the decision.
I struggling to articulate me feelings on this. I’m a SAHM. I worked hard and saved all my life and now I’m lucky enough to be able to afford to stay at home with my children. It is my choice and no one is going to make me feel like a second class citizen. Bringing up children is the hardest job I have ever had and only those that know how hard it is will know how important it is. I hope that made sense! x
Well said!
I do think there are so many mixed messages for women these days – on the one hand, if you work you are neglecting your children. On the other hand, single mothers are going to be “forced” to start looking for work once their children reach school age. It is so difficult to know what to think – in the end we all just have to muddle through and do what is right for our families.
There is no price in the world that can ever pay for that.
x
It’s definitely hard getting the balance right isn’t it. 🙁 Thanks Julie. xx
Makes me laugh, if a man gave up his job to be a househusband, I wonder what he would value his worth to be! No such thing as equality even in this day and age!
.-= Lookingfabinyourforties´s last blog ..Excuse me whilst I go to the checkout =-.
Too right. XX
“Folks, we are still in the dark ages.”
Sadly, I agree. No mother, no WOMAN, should be devalued for her marital, reproductive or parenting choices. You are performing an important, worthy, valuable service to your children and to all of society. Keep that in your mind when you come across the naysayers.
.-= Noble Savage´s last blog ..Raising children- it’s not rocket science- y’all! =-.
Thanks for commenting….I was going to tell you I’d linked your post but you got here quicker than I could. Hope you didn’t mind. I will keep that in mind , thanks.
Great post. Don’t give up xxx @Kahanka
.-= Mirka Moore´s last blog ..The Gallery – Can you see what it is =-.
Thank you…..I won’t . 🙂 xx